


Growing Up Is Hard To Do When You're Grown

by impulsiveIam



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/M, Language, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 16:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14937860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impulsiveIam/pseuds/impulsiveIam
Summary: He’d behaved like an ass.





	Growing Up Is Hard To Do When You're Grown

He’d behaved like an ass. He’d shot Hypnos and ordered her to finish him before stomping off muttering “what else am I supposed to do round here.” He was in the dog box and in good company judging from the way Wynonna had pivoted away from both him and Doc and Waverley had stopped them from following. Sighing, he turned back to the office to sit and think.

In retrospect, he’d been stupefied by the gentle swell of her rounded stomach, revealed by the oversized jacket that had no doubt been an attempt to disguise the now prominent bump. The Widows had attacked Wynonna in the open plan office, throwing her over desks, leaving her stunned and slumped against a wall. He’d helped her carefully to her feet, his face wearing a mask of comic shock as his eyes remained glued to her belly.  
His mind was still in confused turmoil even as they tracked the bitches in black to the clock makers’ mansion. She was pregnant. PREGNANT! Xavier’s mind was still grappling with the notion. How? Ok no. Who? Of course. Doc. Her Doc hook up becoming public knowledge thanks in no small part to a malicious Bobo, the head revenant slyly letting slip the tidbit of information via the bug at Shorty’s. 

He stared at her face, as she asked him to back Nicole up in her search for Tucker at the Homestead. He didn’t want to. He wanted to be closer to her, even now, but she had asked him to go, not for herself but for Waverley. So instead he kissed her gently, murmuring inanely, “you’re an incredible agent,” whilst stepping away reluctantly to follow Nicole up the steps and out Hypnos’s mansion. He hadn’t known what else to say. The emotions churning his insides left him feeling raw, naked, like a peeled carrot scored with a knife.

Why was he angry? In all fairness the “thing” between them had been moving along painfully slowly over the months, finally culminating in an epic red dress that had catalyzed a loss of decorum so monumental on his part. He did not even care that everyone at that disastrous party hosted at the Wainwright, had seen them kissing. Screw it, it had been liberating, sending his heart and hopes soaring, until fucking Bobo, again, had wrecked the entire evening and Black Badge had cherry topped the cake by carting him off to a black site prison for his troubles.

But that was it wasn’t it? ‘Moving along painfully slowly.’ Intense delayed action or emotional inertia, Dolls suffered greatly from this when it came to feelings and relationships of the romantic kind. “You don’t do relationships, because you’re shit at them,” his mind chorused spitefully.  
He was also jealous, seething with it, fuming with anger for being late to the party because he always followed protocol. Jealous that the object of his (affection) attention despised rules and gleefully broke every one she could get away with whilst he followed them to the letter. Jealous that she could pursue her fancy without inhibition whilst he had always been constrained by his badge and the other part of him he hadn’t been able to share until recently, but even that had been forced by circumstance. He now wondered if he perhaps had constrained himself so much, life has passed him by.

Yet when the team had confronted the balding, demonic, murderous, mirror- hopping, revenant barber, his heart had known then. Even as he lay on that floor, his prone body motionless from the bolt of electricity that had driven Mikshun out, his subconscious had reached toward her voice, had felt the press of her lips covering his mouth, forcing air into his lungs. He knew then he wanted more with her, more of her in his life.

Still, like the stubborn knucklehead he was, he’d played safe. Waiting until Moody confirmed Jeremy’s story about the disappearance of Black Badge before he’d swaggered back to the office, hunched over a chair and stared markedly at Wynonna, big hands clasped, dark eyes boring into hers, a sensual smile the only hint to the illicit thoughts rampaging through in his mind. 

He remembered the greater part of his forced visit to Black Badge’s ‘bed & breakfast’ had been spent shielding his sanity with memories of Wynonna, as his “other” had risen up and railed against the cage of his body seeking total dominion, now that its chemical leash had been loosed. Had he not been prepared to sacrifice John Henry Holliday to ensure her freedom? Mr- Know- It- All had not realized that his actions of late had simply confirmed what his heart knew but his brain was too obtuse to comprehend.  
The enormity of the epiphany had felled him and he stopped to take a breath. Nicole, meanwhile, clueless to the unfolding revelation in Xavier’s mind, had tracked on to her cruiser focused and relishing getting to the Homestead and apprehending Tucker. 

The big, bad US Marshall scared, no, TERRIFIED of his feelings. He’s had dalliances before, brief, flitting couplings that never went any distance but this connection was deeper. His heart was demanding that he loose something he’s not sure he can give. Feelings are tenaciously riding roughshod over his brain, upending his orderly emotions, challenging him constantly. His body has turned delinquent and delights in morning wood, sometimes nocturnal too, whilst the triplets, need, want and lust are his constant companions in her presence. 

Forced by the seeping cold to move, he trudged through the snow to the SUV, wrenched the door open, and slammed it shut once in. Starting the massive engine he drove after Nicole. He’s the most vulnerable he’s ever been or will ever be. Wynonna has caused his defences to fall flat like the proverbial walls of Jericho and the loss of control is jarring. This discovery of her pregnancy has him wounded deeply and he just doesn’t know how to deal with the unfamiliar angst of heartache.

She’s wrecked him and everything is just too exposed right now and all he wants to do is shut down and he does. The turtle that had been making some progress albeit slow retreats into its shell. When he returns to the mansion, he reverts to being the cold, unfeeling US Marshall persona that Wynonna hates. It’s a form of protection.

Now sitting in the office he thinks about the future, all of it. She’d been hurt by his harshness, burned almost and he couldn’t blame her for wanting space. Xavier knew she was attracted to him the kiss erasing all doubt. He wondered about her feelings right now. Pregnancy, him, whatever had gone on with Doc. What was going on with her?  
He would have to find a way to repair the damage he’d inflicted. Xavier would just have to do better. Clear the debris from this infraction on his part. Then, close the distance emotionally and return to her orbit. Where in that orbit would he fit in now? Would she want him there? Too bad, she already had him, all of him.

Decision made and smiling grimly to himself, he knew it was going to be a fight. So, he’d fight. He was just that stubborn. He’d fight, not just to end this blasted curse that had brought him to Purgatory in the first place but for Wynonna and a future with her, whatever it would be. 

He’d find a way. At the end of it all he’d be there by her side, come hell or high water.

**Author's Note:**

> This whole episode infuriated me to no end. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to slap a character so hard. I mean "incredible agent.” Really? WTF dude? Then I thought about it nicely and this happened.


End file.
